I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
