Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
