happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
