just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They are going to name an STD after you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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