went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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