I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
