I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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