he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
