i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
