Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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