i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
