Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
