my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
