We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
