i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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