I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The ass gains better be worth it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
