He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Holy shit dude........stairs
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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