Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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