We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
