Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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