i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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