I hope mine doesn't look like that
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
