somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
