the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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