took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
