just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
