hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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