YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
