OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
