Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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