How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
