so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
