Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
