hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she looked like the before picture.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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