VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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