What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
