I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
