My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
