i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
