a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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