spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
