do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm bleeding and have questions
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
