i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
