was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
