This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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