what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
