I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I am naked and annoyed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
