saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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