If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
