do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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