Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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