I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
